It’s been a couple of years of letting go for me.
Control, or the illusion of it, feels so damn good and hurts so damn bad. It’s been a large hinderance to my growth and has compromised my potential as a leader.
I always thought I was a patient man, and then I had kids. And that patience, in my life, is connected right to my need for control. When my daughter was born I realized just how little patience I had and that it was something in my life that needed work. A screaming baby at 3am cares not for my ability to control a situation or my inability to to let go. “Shhhhhh!” “WAAAAHHHH!” “SHHHHH!” “WAAAAAHHHHHHH!” “WHY WON’T THIS BABY SHUT UP!?!?” And so on and so forth.
I hired a coach not long after that, and she helped me see that my need for control was an issue that affected all aspects of my life. It’s been an interesting journey of letting go, one that probably never ends. I’ve got a team mate named Jen now who is really helping me see that things work better and are easier when she’s enabled to do her work well. “Just don’t even copy me on that email” is a big step for me, a big relieving step.
A need to maintain control is directly connected to one’s need for certainty. And since nothing in life is certain, every day becomes a fight for control in order to gain that which is impossible to achieve… and the cycle goes on and on. It’s brutal. And I’m not where I want to be yet, but it feels good to be on the journey.