Being out there is tough. It's one of the hardest things to do, to make something and put it out to the world for their judgement. I feel it’s a part of my role in storytelling that I share of myself in a public way. I’ve got a lot going on (who doesn’t?) and finding time for writing, for making my podcast, or creating videos on my youtube channel can be challenging. It’s hard because of the time commitment, but also because of the “being out there” commitment.
Whenever I put myself out there, I end up benefiting from it. It’s not always positive, and not everything can be a home run, but the commitment to sharing has not only made me better at creating good content (or… sort of good, I guess lol), but it’s really allowed friends and fam to dig more deeply into the small corner of this world that I inhabit. It’s inspiring to walk into a meeting or see someone at Tech Town and have them say “I’ve been watching your videos, love what you’re doing.”
But on some days, something is still stuck. There’s that feeling of deep doubt. Not today becaus today I feel good, I feel like I can take on the world and anything I put out is going to be fiyah (ok, maybe not fire, but a spark). But some days… some days I feel crippled by the doubt. I feel like the work I put out sucks and that you’re gonna judge it behind my back. And no matter how many “I love your videos” I get on a day like that, it’s never enough to battle the thought that I don’t belong and everything I put out is silly.
Some people are driven by that doubt, they thrive on it and work to make better things. That’s not me. For as long as I’ve been alive, I don’t do well with doubt. I need positive reinforcement in order to improve.
So on days when it’s good? I soak it up. I work extra hard on those days in order to be the best version of myself that I can be. I get up early and I grind. Then I get to bed early and I hope that tomorrow is going to be another day like today was. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. Being out there is a challenge, and on days like today, I’m up for it.