Ok, Mr Judgy McJudge face. I’m going to tell you something. I took a 2 hour nap yesterday. For real.

It was such an unproductive day for me. I had a few calls in the morning, and I worked a bit on a content strategy that we’re developing, but for the most part, the day was wasted.

I usually get up at 5am (take that with your crappy judgement!). I wake before anyone in the house (neighborhood?) and I practice mindfulness for 20 minutes, then I write for about 30–40 minutes. It’s not a super easy schedule to keep and it requires me to go to bed at like 9 or 9:30 in order to get enough sleep to function the next day.

When I don’t get that sleep, there are hiccups.

2 nights ago I went through my standard routine of starting to get ready for bed and reading my book around 9pm and was asleep before the clock ticked 9:30 (I know, I’m 6 years old). When I woke up at 11:30, my first thought was “uh oh.” I can’t sleep for 2 hours, wake up, and then fall back asleep.

After being turned down by my snoozing wife for some late night sex (TMI), and after an hour or so of reading my book, I shuffled to the other room to attempt to relax with some stretching. I proceeded to pull something in the back of my knee which wouldn’t be felt until the next day, but the stretching seemed to do the trick. I went back to bed and drifted off somewhere around 1am.

When 5am came around, I had a very distint “uhhh, fuck no” thought before I killed the alarm I had reset. But the damage was done.

So the day sucked. And I didn’t get much done.

The concept of laziness has been so hammered into our brains since such a young age, that we can’t help but feel guilty when we act like pieces of shit. Because compared to the amount of work parents have to do for their kids, kids are fucking lazy. I know mine are. And I’ve caught myself responding to things like “hurry up daddy” with “do you know how much fucking work it is to pour you a bowl of cereal every goddamn morning of my life?” I mean, how long before that sentence ends with “you lazy turd!”

So we’ve got a culture that’s frightened by the idea of being lazy, clashing with one that never really turns off.

That's dangerous. And that balance between work and home life is really hard to crack. I’ve talked about it before, but I live in a world that is always on. I’m trying to implement tools in my life to give me space in my brain between work and non work, but constant connection does not help.

So one of my solutions is that once in awhile I am lazy, and I have to just be ok with that. Call it a recharge day, or a break, or whatever makes you feel ok about it, but I was just an outright lazy fuck yesterday.

And it felt so good! I took a 2 hour nap. Yes. A 2 hour nap. Got all caught up on rest and this morning I was back at it at 5am. But in my head it’s hard to be understanding of myself. It’s hard to realize that when my body says take a break, I need to really take a break.

That fucking lazy guilt.